The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
