you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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