Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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