the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
