I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
