You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
