I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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