Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
