spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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