Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
