I feel like abortions should bother me more
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
