I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
