dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
