We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
