Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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