He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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