You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
