I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
