so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i need some magic done to my vagina
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
