their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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