No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
