she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
