So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
