I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
