and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
soo... how was my night?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
