Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
