Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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