just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
