I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
