I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
