So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize