For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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