They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
