You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
