Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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