did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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