We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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