Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
