Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
