hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
