And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
