it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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