cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
