Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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