Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
