I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
