I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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