Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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