This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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