i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
