so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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