you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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