And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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