I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
That accounts for only three of the penises
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
