Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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