i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
