I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
