Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
