i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
