What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize