You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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