New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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