I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
