He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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