the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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