1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
