Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize