did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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