She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Text me some of your sweat
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
