I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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