did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
