MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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