Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
