i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I am naked and annoyed.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
