Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
