I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
