So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
